"Atari's Greatest Hits" for iPad: worst idea ever?

$14.99 for Basic Math?!? Sign me up!

I've commented before on iPad mania, which has seized this nation like swine flu. I've used an iPad before, and I must admit that I'm not a fan. There are aspects of it that I like: it's very sexy, it's light, with fantastic battery life. But I'm a nerd, and one of the classic symptoms of being a nerd is the ineffable desire to tinker with things. Apple's desire to prevent its users from tinkering with the iPad in any way is suspiciously paranoid, and reeks of censorship. How seriously would we take the Honda Corporation if they told us we could only use their cars on Honda-approved roads?

A case in point is Atari's Greatest Hits, just released by Atari for the iPad. The idea sounds great in theory: 100 of the best classic Atari 2600 and arcade games ever made, packed in one free app! Sounds great, right? What they don't tell you, however, is that while the app itself may be free to download, the games cost a buck apiece, or you can download all 100 for $14.99. Can anyone say bait-and-switch? As if that isn't bad enough, the games are slow and buggy, and controlling them accurately with the iPad's baffling touch-screen was a Sysiphean task. I thought it was impossible to ruin a classic like Yar's Revenge, but thanks to Atari's Greatest Hits, I couldn't even get past the first two levels before the damn thing froze and I gave up.

The especially infuriating thing about Atari's Greatest Hits is that I can download thousands of Atari games online and fire them up on any computer with an emulator - all without paying a dime. But Apple doesn't allow any apps other than those available on its App Store to be used on the iPad. This begs the question: why would I fork over my hard-earned money on a $400 iPad that forces me to pay fifteen bucks for a piss-poor version of a game I can play for free on an eMachines PC that's half the price?

What's even worse is that the current entity known as "Atari" has no connection to the original Atari Corporation, which went bankrupt in 1996. The Atari name, logo, and related trademarks have been bounced around for years between companies like JTS and Hasbro before its purchase by Infogrames, a French video game publisher. If Atari's Greatest Hits is any evidence, the folks at Atari clearly hired some hack programming firm to slap a bunch of old trademarks together as quickly and cheaply as possible for a quick buck. It breaks my heart that these classic games, which are the result of many hours of work by a great many very talented programmers and artists, are now being milked like a cow by people who clearly have no appreciation for how special they are to so many people.


It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and everyone has to make money somehow; the video game industry is no exception to this. But there's no excuse for a product as shoddy and joyless as Atari's Greatest Hits.  And frankly, the iPad's kind of silly, too.

HARDWARE SPOTLIGHT: Caanoo, the greatest console with repeating vowels in its name since the Wii

You've likely never heard of the Caanoo, a Linux-based handheld video game system. That's because its creator, an ambitious South Korean startup called GamePark, has seen some trouble since its foundation in 1996. Due to protectionist trade regulations, South Korea does not import technology products from China, so the vast majority of its video game market is in PC games. GamePark was founded with the help of the South Korean government to help create an indigenous game industry, and it released several portable consoles between 2000 and 2005. Despite critical success, however, the consoles were a commercial disappointment, and the company went belly-up in 2005. Several former employees, however, have re-formed GamePark and purchased the former company's trademarks. Their resulting product may be one of the most pleasant surprises I've come across in the video game industry for some time.

Creepy disembodied hands love the Caanoo!

GamePark says the Caanoo is not intended to compete with Nintendo's Game Boy Advance or DS, but one look at the device's front panel certainly invites comparisons with the more famous machines. The Caanoo's operating system, however, is what really sets it apart from other portables in its price range. Not only does it have an SD card slot, 6 hours of battery life, and aspeedy processor with impressive 3D rendering, but it also features an Linux-based open source operating system that can be modified, hacked, and upgraded to your heart's content. Plus, in addition to games officially released by GamePark, there are dozens of compatible emulators for nearly every console under the sun available online thanks to the GamePark's robust online community of users. With just a USB cable and a few minutes, the Caanoo can be your personal, portable, arcade paradise.

Unfortunately, the Caanoo is only available in North America via importers, and instructions are only availble in Korean. However, user-generated forums, like GP32x.com and Caanoo News, make it easy for anglos to get set up. It can currently be found on online auction sites for about $200. Anyone who knows a more reliable way to get your hands on a Caanoo, please leave a comment and let me know!

Atari 7800 Expansion Module: a useless accessory for an even-more useless system

The 7800 Expansion Module: it also plays LaserDiscs

Once in a blue moon, I see a retro-gaming accessory that's so wonderfully dorky and useless that it brings a tear to my eye. The soon-to-be-released Atari 7800 Expansion Module may look like a prop from the lost Dark Crystal sequel, but if you're one of the 3 people who still has an Atari 7800, you can preorder it right now from Legacy Electronics. It even comes with a nifty Silver Atari-style box and instruction manual!

The Atari 7800, Atari's third video game console, was the company's attempt to unseat Nintendo from its dominance of the video game market after the release of the NES. Though it came nowhere close to accomplishing this, it was nevertheless a reasonably successful console with impressive capabilities and a solid library of games. Plus, the 7800 was backwards-compatible with Atari's famous 2600 system, giving it an extra library of thousands of well-known games for its users to choose from. According to Legacy's website, the 7800 Expansion makes the 7800 even better by adding 128K of extra available program memory, a built in High Score capability, and a 15 PIN/Serial port to enable use with keyboards, disk drives, printers, and modems.

Jack Tramiel would be proud.

It's a wonder why anyone thought that 2011 would be a good time to manufacture and produce an accessory for a 20-year-old discontinued toy, and at more than $100 with shipping, it's a pretty steep asking price. But considering its limited availability and authentically cheesy packaging, it's not too much of a stretch to say that this thing could be the ultimate Atari 7800 collectible (which, to be fair, isn't saying much). And if you've got a stack of Atari 2600 games lying around, or some old Atari 400 accessories, the 7800 Expansion may give your collection a new lease on life.

Atari User Magazine: All the news that's fit to bleep

This week I thought I'd give a quick shout out to the folks at Atari User Magazine, which bills itself as "the world's only Atari magazine." While I'm not quite sure that's true, Atari User is an enjoyable and lovingly-prepared published monthly online by Anglo Press, a team of bloggers from Germany.

Atari User is a revival of a newsgroup that was started by a group of Atari 8-bit users in the 1980s. Members later started a monthly newsletter, available on a floppy disk by subscription. Though this publication is now long gone, this new reincarnation explores the same themes as the former publication, and includes a wide variety of articles to satisfy every nerd's curiosity.

Each issue includes reviews of new homebrew titles, as well as profiles of systems, publishers, and other historical information from Atari's heyday. If you get excited by discussing the merits of PAL versus NTSC (if not, why are you reading this?), I highly recommend you head on over to Atari User's website; they certainly deserve a few of your bucks.

DON'T GET RIPPED OFF: Flash Carts

This week, I humbly present to you another installment of my series, Don't Get Ripped Off!, in which I give you my best advice regarding things to spend your hard-earned money on. This week, I discuss flash carts, a range of ingenious devices that are definitely on the must-have list for any hardcore nerd.

Extreme Flash Advance, a Game Boy Advance flash cart, with a USB cable plugged in.

Flash carts are flash memory devices, similar to those USB storage devices found on keychains everywhere. Instead of plugging into your computer's USB slot, however, however, these devices plug into your vintage game console. This enables you to plug in your flash cart to your computer via a special cable, load up whatever game or program you like, then play it on a real, live, physical console. Neat, huh?

Flash carts are primarily used by programmers wishing to test their games during the development process, but they're also tremendously useful for gamers who want the authentic experience of a game console with the convenience of an emulator. There is a staggering variety of flash carts available online from online retailers like Amazon.com and eBay; most are made in China and are of poor quality. The most common ones are made for the Nintendo Game Boy Advance and DS.

Atarimax Ultimate SD, for the ColecoVision (also Atari 2600 compatible).

Generally speaking here, the more expensive units are the best. A 512mb GBA cartridge can cost as much as $200, but it's probably not necessary to spend that much, as most games are relatively small in size and need very little memory. Nevertheless, expect to pay at least $100 for a new unit; consider any price lower than this to be suspicious. Used carts are cheaper, but since flash memory has a limited number of read/write cycles, they will likely fail earlier. Some flash carts are actually memory card adapters, which are simply an adapter for a memory card (like an SD or CompactFlash card) built into a cartridge. These should be avoided like the plague. With a few exceptions that I list below, these adapters are unauthorized Chinese-made copies and are very flimsy and unreliable.

Flash carts for consoles other than the GBA and DS do exist, but are generally boutique items and not commonly offered for sale. Below are a few I've found to be well-recommended:

• The Atarimax Ultimate SD is an SD card adapter for the ColecoVision console. It includes a 32mb SD card and a high-speed bankswitching card that can handle very large games (up to 512K). Made by Steven J. Tucker and available now online.
• The Harmony Cartridge is an SD card adapter for the Atari 2600. It is currently in development, though the creator is taking orders on the product's website. It includes a 2gb SD card and a USB cable for connection to a PC or Macintosh.
• The Cuttlecart is another Atari 2600 flash cart produced by Schell Electronics. Versions were also created for the Atari 7800 and Intellivision. All are long discontinued and quite dated (Windows compatibility only, requires a serial cable). It is, however, very reliable, and occasionally pops up for sale on eBay.

If anyone finds other flash carts they'd like to recommend, please comment and let us know! Happy hunting, and remember: caveat emptor...

REVIEW: "Downfall" for Atari Jaguar

Once the undisputed king of the North American video game market, Atari's downfall in the early 1990s was slow, painful, and awkward. The company was devoting most of its attention to its line of Amiga computers, which left its video games division underfunded and understaffed. Nowhere is there a more obvious piece of evidence of this identity crisis than the Atari Jaguar, Atari's last and least successful video game console. Released in 1993, the Jaguar billed itself as the world's first 64-bit system. Though the system did see some great games (including one of my all-time favorites, Tempest 2000), lack of developer support and mediocre processing power had killed the Jaguar by 1996, having sold less than 250,000 unites.

Despite its status as a footnote in technology history, the Jaguar maintains a devoted base of fans who continue to develop homebrew games for it. Why anyone would do this is beyond me, as the Jaguar's odd CPU structure and limited graphics memory make programming for it an exercise in frustration and self-torture. Nevertheless, Jagware, a prolific programming collective that's released numerous other Jaguar games, has just announced its newest release: Downfall.

Downfall is a simple game that bears a striking resemblance to Man Goes Down, another homebrew game for the Atari 2600 written back in 2004 by Alex Herbert. The player controls a man continuously falling down as platforms scroll up the screen; you must survive as long as you can falling downward onto the platforms without falling off the screen. In this way it somewhat resembles the old NES game Ice Climbers, except in the other direction and without the cutesy cartoon characters.

Downfall's simplicity won't convince the uninitiated to immediately order a Jaguar on eBay, but it is a fun little diversion on an emulator. The scrolling background is detailed and highly fluid, controls are simple (though I can't imagine how it plays on the actual Jaguar controller), and the background music is catchy and clearly rendered. It is, however, ridiculously easy, and since the game has no variations or extra modes, you've pretty much seen all there is to see after about 15 minutes of gameplay. It almost resembles a programming exercise more than a full-fledged game.

A worthy effort for an perenially unappreciated console, but I certainly wouldn't spend money on a cartridge version. I'll stick to Tempest 2000 for my taste of early-90s Atari.

This is your Game Boy after a tour of duty in Iraq

It's official: the Game Boy is the most durable machine ever conceived by human minds. Built to withstand a nuclear holocaust, the mighty grey wonder is made, not from plastic, but hardened plutonium reinforced with the cracked skulls of Roman barbarians. 

Anyone who's a member of the Game Boy generation like I am has a story to tell about the horrible treatment their little green-screened buddy endured. I, for one, distinctly remember diving into the Chesapeake Bay with my brand-new Game Boy in my swimming trunks. A friend of mine left his  on a bench near my middle school's playing ground for a week before it turned up in the Lost & Found. (Both our Game Boys survived their respective ordeals, by the way.)

But the undeniable winner of the "Takes A Lickin' & Keeps On Tickin'" award is this original Game Boy, a veteran of the Gulf War:

This disfigured, melted, charred Franken-Boy was the property of a soldier whose barracks were bombed in Iraq in 1991. Amazingly, the Game Boy survived functionally intact, even though its plastic body was partially exploded. It was shipped back to its owner after his tour of duty, and serves as a testament to the power and durability of Japanese industrial design. Now, its home is at the Nintendo World store in New York City, where it has been happily playing Tetris ever since.

Now, surviving a war zone is pretty remarkable, but personally, I won't be impressed until it survives an episode of Will It Blend?. But that's just me.

Trend: Commodore 64 music - all your eardrum are belong to us

I don't make a secret of my love for the Commodore 64. It was the iMac of its time - small, inexpensive, simple enough to use right out of the box, more powerful than most of its competitors, with an impressive library of games that still frustrate me to this day. (Damn you, Miner 2049er!)

Part of the secret to the Commodore's success was the SID, or Sound Interface Device. One of the first integrated sound chips on any home computer, the SID was a capable digital sound synthesizer built into a tiny chip, enabling programmers to include music soundtracks and sound effects miles beyond anything else available in 1985. The SID's distinctive, crunchy sound arguably did more to influence video game music than perhaps any other single piece of hardware. In fact, it's so coveted that a music synthesizer based on the SID, known as the SIDStation, was sold in the late 2000s by Swedish firm, Elektron:

The sad news is that the SID hasn't been made since 1987, and though its patent expired in 2007, no new SID chips are being made. Therefore, the only way to get your hands on a SID chip nowadays is to rip one out of a broken Commodore 64 - which is exactly what the creator of the MIDIBox SID did:

The MIDIBox SID is one of the more elaborate Commodore 64 hacks I've seen. (Still not as elaborate as the Commodore 64 Laptop, but close.) The body was created from a broken C64 body, with the MIDI and Serial ports on the side of the machine, and the keyboard replaced by a sophisticated adonized-steel front panel with 15 knobs and a small screen for data input. Its sound is hard to adequately capture with words, but let's just say it'll simultaneously remind you of a late-night rave in early-90s Detroit and a game of Montezuma's Revenge.

The MIDIBox SID is unfortunately not commercially available, but the plans are downloadable if you're savvy with a breadboard. They do, however, show up on eBay and other auction sites from time to time, but be prepared to burn a $1,000-sized hole in your wallet. I'd rather buy a used Commodore 64 and a program like MSSIAH or Cynthcart for a fifth of the price. Still a nifty piece of hardware hackery, though.

The Replica-1: All the low-tech fun, without going bankrupt

I've been inspired by the success of Apple's iPad 2, which recently enjoyed the most successful first week's sales of any technology product in history. In honor of this, I'm typing this week's post on an iPad borrowed from Oberlin College's library. My stiff, untrained fingers are havign a bit of trouble with the onscreen keyboard, so forgive me if the occasional syntax error slips in. (This keyboard is by far my biggest gripe with this thing: I'll take an IBM Model M over this shit any day.)

Frankly, I'd much rather be typing this week's post on one of these puppies:

Its power supply is a hamster on a treadmill.

This gorgeous wooden computer is the Apple I, Apple Computer's very first product, released way back in April 1976. They were handbuilt by Steve Wozniack in his parents' garage in Palo Alto, CA, and sold via mail-order for $666.66 (about the price of a MacBook Pro in today's money). Only around 40 survive today; when they are sold, they typically change hands for astronomical sums of money. One working Apple I sold last year for $213,000. That's roughly $26,000 for every kilobyte of memory. Quite a nice chunk of change just to play Breakout!

Luckily for us mere mortals, the wonder of modern CPU technology means you don't have to mortgage your house to afford an Apple I. Thanks to Vince Briel, super-nerd deluxe and owner of Briel Computers, you can now own the Replica 1, a faithful recreation of the Apple I, for less than $200.

Like the original, the Replica 1 is sold either pre-assembled or as a kit. It does not include a keyboard or monitor, but it does include a USB interface for saving programs on a modern computer, replacing the original Apple I tape interface. Functionally, the Replica 1 is an exact copy of Apple's model, but it uses a greatly simplified motherboard layout and dramatically improved DC power supply for faster performance and lower power consumption.

If an Apple I doesn't suit your fancy, Briel also sells kits and pre-assembled replicas of other obsolete classics, like the legendary Altair 8080. The Replica 1, however, is the only one of Vince's products that's officially approved by Steve Wozniack himself. This is a suprising and welcome move from the Apple founder; if only more Silicon Valley multi-billionaires released the plans for their early computers to fans! (Homemade Atari 400, anyone?)

I recommend the Replica 1 as a gift for the aging computer nerd in your life. In fact, if anyone out there in internet-land would like to spare two hundred bucks and send me a kit in the mail, I'd be happy to do a full review right here on This Old Box. (And, of course, I'd be happy to repay you with sexual favors.)

COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT TUESDAY: A Bootleg NES, from China with Love

It's been a while since I posted; I've been spending my spring break in fabulous scenic Bergen County, NJ, roaming its famous Garden State Plaza mall begging for change to afford a copy of Lego Star Wars III. All that wandering around suburban New Jersey made me misty-eyed about my crappy childhood, so today I thought I'd introduce a new column, Copyright Infringement Tuesday, where we explore the glorious world of "bootleg" (unlicensed) video games. Today we're taking a trip down memory lane with one of these bad boys:

Now with 3 times the Retron!

Do you remember these? I know my local Walgreens stocked them by the dozens. They're unlicensed copies of old video game systems, made by shady factories in southeast Asia and sold by street hawkers and five-and-dimes the world over. I have dozens of them in my attic right now, and if I remember correctly many of them are quite creative. The one above, for example, impressively dubbed the "RetroN-3," is actually three systems in one box (NES, Super NES, and Genesis). It even comes with wireless controllers!

Are you dorky enough to use this in public?

This one, the "Game Theory Admiral," is another terribly creative example of the lengths these Chinese sweatshops are willing to go to to grab a bit of the American video game market. It looks like a Game Boy Advance, and it plays just like one, except that it's actually a handheld NES. Unfortunately, it's made for use with Japanese cartridges, so it requires a rather awkward adapter (see above picture) for use with North American games. Still, it'll make you a celebrity if you pull it out at a bus terminal or during study hall.

But my favorite by far was sold in Brazil - it's called the "Mega Kid MK-1000:"

Robocop's computer of choice.

Not only does the Mega Kid include two PlayStation-style controllers and a light gun in the shape of a miniature Kalashnikov, it also features a full keyboard, resembling a futuristic Commodore 64. It's also compatible with games from all over the world, making it an ideal system for importers. It can even be programmed in BASIC!

But hey, you may be asking yourself, this is a blog about homebrew games. How are these shitty things at all relevant? The answer lies in a tiny little chip, aptly named the "NES On A Chip." You see, the patent on Nintendo's secret lockout system for the NES expired in 2000. This left the NES wide open for hackers, and sure enough, NES clones soon flooded the market in countries where traditional video games were not affordable or not sold. For many in the developing world, and many low-income families right here in the US, these bootleg systems were a family's first contact with the world of video games.

Besides, I'm sure these things are just begging to be modified by some resourceful techno-freak with a soldering iron. Next time on Copyright Infringement Tuesday, we'll take a look at some mind-blowing mods that may cause you to take a second look next time you see a "Retro-N'3" at your local CVS.

Don't Get Ripped Off #1: NES

Today at This Old Box marks the start a new series: DON'T GET RIPPED OFF!, in which I explain to you the most important mission of being a nerd: buying used video game consoles that actually work, and bargaining for a fair price on them. So before you bid on that eBay auction or head off the the flea market to do some snooping, read my guide and make sure your purchases are extra-smart.

This time on DON'T GET RIPPED OFF!: the Nintendo Entertainment System. Unfortunately, the NES is one of the flimsiest of all vintage consoles, despite Nintendo's squeaky-clean reputation for quality. So many things can go wrong on one, as I'll explain, that it's a small wonder any still exist. Luckily for you, there are a few easy red flags and things to look out for to determine if the system you're looking at is a dud.

The first thing you're going to do is head over to Radio Shack and pick up an RCA Male to 3.5mm Female cable (for around $3). It looks like this:

The reason you're buying this is to insert that red thing into the RCA jack in the back of your Nintendo here:

The RCA output is the jack to the right.

The reason you're doing this is so you can use headphones to listen to the system as you start it up, so you don't need to plug the thing into a TV to make sure it works. You'll also need to insert a working game into the system while you test it. If you hear nothing when you power the system on, you're almost definitely experiencing one of two problems:

Problem 1: The reason for around 50% of NES system failures is a problem with the front-loading zero-insertion force (ZIF) cartridge slot. Frequent insertion and removal of cartridges will wear down the pins in the slot, causing it to malfunction. Open up the front cartridge door, and use a flashlight to take a look at the cartridge socket. If it looks tarnished or dirty, chances are it needs to be cleaned or replaced. Cleaning it poses a risk of electrical shock, and replacements haven't been sold since 1991. So, you're best off simply avoiding a system with a dirty cartridge socket.

Problem 2: The other 49.99% of NES problems are caused by the lockout chip. The lockout chip is a special chip that's used by Nintendo to "lock" any game that's not licensed by sending a spike of electricity to the system, preventing it from starting. If the lockout chip has oxidized or is otherwise malfunctioning, the machine will reset every second and the front power light will blink on and off.

Looks are decieving, so don't just buy the best-looking console that you see. The NES is constructed from reinforced ABS plastic, which typically yellows after years of exposure to oxygen and sunlight, so even completely functional systems can look like crap at first glance. What matters is not what the outside looks like, but how the delicate internal components perform. If the machine starts up normally and audio can be heard from your special magic headphones, with no hissing or blinking lights, your console is most likely good to go.

When it's time to bargain on a price, haggle aggressively. Usually, a working NES should sell for between $25 and $75, depending on condition and included accessories. There were several models and packages sold over the system's lifetime, some of which are rarer than others. The NES-101 model is particularly collectible; it was made for only a very short period of time in the early 90s, lacks the problematic lockout chip, and sports a sleek redesign far superior to the original, flimsy VCR player-style console. Boxed consoles are also particularly collectible and can fetch hundreds.

If you see one of these in a flea market or thrift store, buy itI It's worth a lot of money...

An extra tip on the general topic of buying used video games: when you're haggling, make your offer lower than the actual value of what you're purchasing, and bargain up. Due to the uniform nature of video games, buyers have a marked advantage over sellers in the used market. Take advantage of this and be bold.

One last tip: Don't go to large corporate video game stores (like GameStop, FuncoLand, EB Games, etc.) to buy vintage video games. These chain game shops usually focus on new equipment, and when it comes to selling used games, all they care about is profit. Often they don't even check to make sure used cartridges work. Many times I've had the experience of buying a used machine at EB Games, bringing it home, finding out it didn't work, bringing it back to the store, and getting a lecture from a pimply teenage employee about the store's "as-is" return policy. Don't waste your time or your money.

From me to you, I heartily wish you: Happy console hunting! And finally, because this is a blog about homebrew stuff, I present to you: the NES Mouse...

This Week in Ridiculous Vintage Ads

Imagine yourself in 1986. You work at Nintendo's marketing, and you have on your hands The Legend of Zelda, one of the best games ever created. Clearly, if you're going to sell this thing, you're going to need to bring out the rapping nerds:

One of the many amazing things about this ad are the rabbit-ear antenna atop their lovely Woolworth's color TV. Also, they're reading a magazine! An actual magazine! That was actually printed on paper and NOT your computer screen!

Even though this ad is pretty incredible, though, it'll never replace my love for Pastamania...

Mechanical Pong: When the real thing isn't retro enough

This will be an Olympic sport in 20 years.

This gorgeous machine is the creation of Niklas Roy, a prolific German artist who creates works that shatter conventional ideas about industrial design and the capabilities of technology. PONGMECHANIK is an authentic game of Pong, powered entirely by a fully-functional analog computer, and by far the most ambitious work of retro-inspired hacking I've ever seen.

Party like it's 1939.

The heart and soul of PONGMECHANIK is the relay switch. A relay is an electromagnetic device that operates a switching mechanism; this switch can be off (zero) or on (one), and thus represents a single byte of data in a binary computer system. (Many of these relays together is known as an array.) Nowadays, relays are commonplace in the telephone and railway industries, where it is necessary to instantaneously control huge voltages of electricity without delay. Relays were also used in the 1930s to construct the world's first computers, but were abandoned quickly due to their size and unpredictability. The total processing power of PONGMECHANIK's brain, entirely driven by a few dozen telephone relays, is barely enough to store a single word of text on this page.

These wheels rotate underneath the black playing surface to indicate score.

Niklas explains PONGMECHANIK's design on his webpage. The machine is divided into four parts: the array of telephone relays, a system of pulleys and springs which control the movement of the player/ball, the metal chassis that detects the collision of the ball with the paddle, and the sound effects, provided by two wood blocks (seriously!) struck with large metal solenoids controlled by the brain.

While I was skeptical at first as to the practical application of such a daunting (and low-tech) task, all it took was a few YouTube videos to thoroughly impress me. PONGMECHANIK is an almost-exact replica of the 1972 Atari version of Pong, a game which launched the entire commercial video game industry in the United States and left burning holes in the wallets of college dropouts nationwide. Although paddle and ball movement seems a tad slow, collision detection is suprisingly accurate. Furthermore, the machine's design is, dare I say, sexy. A clear plexiglass cabinet on top of a handsome wooden base gives the machine a clean, futuristic look. Ducking underneath the playfield allows a user to ooh and ah at the ballet-like dance of relays, pulleys, springs, and wires, all pulling and whirring in glorious harmony to bring Pong to life.

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like PONGMECHANIK will be available to the masses any time soon; the machine is large, cumbersome, and delicate, and spends most of its life in Niklas's home. But that doesn't stop me from giving its inventor the NERD OF THE CENTURY award. This is, quite simply, the biggest, most ambitiously complex, and most wonderful home video game project I've ever come across, and it's not even really a video game!

Review: "N-Warp Daisakusen" for SNES

I have many fond memories of playing Super Bomberman as a lad. All other games were intimidating and complex, but Bomberman was instantly recognizeable, with minimal controls, colorful graphics, and seizure-inducing gameplay. For a quick 15-minute burst of multiplayer enjoyment, there's absolutely nothing that will destroy lifelong relationships quite like a multiplayer death match in Bomberman.

Micro Multiplayer Mayhem!

 So, when I found out about N-Warp Daisakusen, I couldn't help the onset of major déjà vu. Despite its faux-Japanese title, this raucously enjoyable multiplayer fighting game was actually programmed by Matthias Nadler, a German gentleman who's a veteran programmer, console modifier, hacker, and all-around geek. His latest SNES game isn't just a fun timewaster, though; it's the first game ever released for the SNES with multiplayer mode for eight different players, made possible with the same obscure Multitap accessory I used to play Bomberman way back in 1996.

In case you aren't a programmer, moving sprites (the technical term for a tiled image onscreen) are difficult to manage on any old console, and trying to write code for eight characters moving simultaneously is nigh-suicidal. Thankfully, Matthias has sprinkled some retro fairy-dust into this cartridge, because it is absolutely gorgeous! The graphics sparkle with life and energy, with no signs of processor slowdown or overload. The music, too, is pure early-90s cheese; programmed by French electronic composer mAF, its pumping beats and richly-layered sawtooth waves are sure to release your inner hyperactive 8-year-old.

State of the art, c. 1994

N-Warp Daisakusen is hampered by the occasional graphics and menu bug, especially with the use of both multitaps. Nevertheless, given that it's been to decades since the damn thing was released (and almost ten years since it was discontinued), it's quite impressive that a few dedicated nerds are still setting records on this machine. N-Warp Daisakusen, like all the best things on the internet, is free to download, so head on over to Matthias's blog and take a gander at his impressive work. My only problem now is finding eight other people to play with. (Guess it's time to go back on those gay nerd dating sites again...)

Review: "Korg DS-10 Plus" for DS

It occurred to me while thinking of a subject for my next game review that I haven't considered an original game yet; both of the games I've covered so far are knockoffs. I also haven't yet reviewed a game for a modern system, nor have I considered a game for a handheld system (unless you count playing Breakout on my laptop in class as "handheld"). So, today I decided to shatter some glass ceilings and cover something slightly unusual: a commercially-released game (not a homebrew), created for a modern system, the Nintendo DS.

But wait!, you say, isn't this a blog about homemade games? Well... yes. But it's also about other homemade video-game related things, including music. And, the Korg DS-10 is such a fabulous tool for creating game-based synthesized compositions that it seems silly not to give it at least a nod.

The DS-10 is, ostensibly, based on the MS-10 synthesizer, a simple keyboard introduced in 1978 as a beginner's synthesizer and a learning tool for electronic music. The DS-10 inherits both of these purposes; it's an ideal learning tool, and the DS's touch-screen interface is perfect for twiddling, noodling, and just generally making irritating squeaky noises while in public. (One of my favorite pastimes!) Unlike the original, however, the DS-10 features a sequencer for composing songs, as well as drum sounds and a complex effects matrix. Thanks to the DS-10, it is entirely possible to compose an entire track on a Nintendo DS, and while the concept of composing a song on a handheld video game makes me scoff instinctively, the YouTube video demonstrations I've seen shut me up pretty quickly. I guess it really is the future...

My biggest complaint about the DS-10 is the lack of MIDI connectivity, which greatly reduces composition possibilites, as well as live performance capabilities. If it can happen on the Commodore 64, why not on the DS? Perhaps Nintendo could market a MIDI cable that connects to the link slot on the DS, enabling the machine to fully integrate into a digital music production environment. Until they do, however, the DS-10 remains a fun toy rather than a serious musical instrument. It packs a suprising amount of features, but it's simply too inflexible to be useful.

The Korg DS-10 should now be available in most video game stores. Visit the website here.

Review: "D-Pad Hero" for NES

Rhythm-based video games have existed as long as the genre itself, but they've always been commercially shaky ground. Precious few of them have sold well (Samba de Amigo, anyone?), and the ones that have sold typically require external hardware or accessories, which are expensive, delicate, and difficult for toy stores and video-game retailers to stock.

Mario just split his overalls.

So it follows logically that the only place rhythm and dance games were ever successful was the arcade. After all, the experiences are tailor-made for each other. Dance games are designed to be played quickly, repeatedly, in short bursts - in other words, the damn things practically suck quarters from your pocket. There's a reason Dance Dance Revolution was so popular in arcades: the machines were expensive (more than twice the price of an average arcade set), but were so consistently popular that arcade owners could charge higher prices for each game.

Can you imagine one of these on Antiques Roadshow in 50 years?

You'll forgive me if a game like D-Pad Hero makes me cringe instinctively. It reminds me all too well of a time when I would fight with my brother over the last 50¢ for one more game of Drum Solo, a crappy Guitar Hero knockoff at our local Generic FunPlex operated with crappy rubber pads that made my wrists hurt. D-Pad Hero also makes my wrists hurt, but thankfully it's a much more charming and endearing experience than I ever had at age 11.

 
D-Pad Hero, a knockoff of the wildly popular and incalculably irritating Guitar Hero series, is a technical masterpiece programmed by Kent Hansen and Andreas Pedersen. The two clearly have some serious programming skills: immediately the gorgeously textured graphics come alive onscreen, and the renditions of popular rock songs like "Sweet Child O' Mine" made me laugh, then sing along. The gameplay is quite deceptively simple, and should be familiar to anyone who's spent 5 minutes inside an arcade next to a Dance Dance Revolution machine.

D-Pad Hero unfortunately suffers from the same problem as its antecedent: it quickly becomes very repetitive and dull. Once you master each song at the highest difficulty level, and once the novelty of hearing "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" on a 20-year old video game console wears off, there's very little that keeps the player coming back more. The game is difficult, but not quite difficult enough to keep it interesting or engaging. Furthermore, the technical limitations of the NES  console restrict the game from offering any of the hidden gems and unlockable suprises that make Guitar Hero so addictive.

D-Pad Hero is a lovely little slice of copyright infringement on the NES, well-designed and admirably executed. I couldn't see myself paying for an actual cartridge (the gameplay is just too limited), but for now it's only available as a free download from the developers' website, and it's well worth the effort to spend some bandwidth on giving it a try.

Michael Jackson commands it!

Homebrew Handhelds (or, Hillbilly Industrial Design)

You don't see this every day. Sure, anyone can write a boring ol' NES game in a few weeks. But to whip up a console right there in your bedroom? That takes way more skill and patience than I will ever have.

To be fair, this article isn't about creating an entirely new video game system from scratch; that is more power than we mere mortals have. But it is possible (not easy, but possible) to hack apart your old Atari, Nintendo, or Sega machine, slap it together with an LCD screen and a few buttons, and create a portable version of your favorite childhood timewaster. Success! You'll never be productive again!

I've always thought it'd be a smart investment for Nintendo or Sony to create an officially licensed version of one of these. It's happened before; Sega released the Nomad, a portable verson of the Sega Genesis, in 1995, but it was a commercial failure due to its blurry screen and pitfully short battery life. Thankfully, modern technology (better screens, rechargeable lithium-ion batteries) enable you to enjoy classic games the way they were intended to be played: on a bus, plane, subway, jury duty, prison cell, or wherever else boredom strikes.

The most famous, and by far most productive, console hacker is Benjamin Heckendorn, an amateur industrial designer whose creations look like they come from an alternate world where the 80s happened in the future. Since 2000, he's created dozens of sideshow-like weird portable consoles, like portable versions of the Nintendo 64, PlayStation, Neo Geo, and Dreamcast. But that's all child's play when compared to my personal favorite: the Commodore 64 laptop...

Can you imagine what would happen if I tried to pull this out in class? The techno-geeks would swarm me like a pack of wild dogs! I'd finally be able to get a date! Score one for the sexy beige plastic of 80s computers...

Compare the Commodore 64 laptop to the actual portable Commodore 64 that was manufactured in 1982, and you'll see just how much of an upgrade it is:

Any cheap Chinese bootleg electronics manufacturers (I know they're out there), take note - there's a market out there for laptop updates of outdated computers. Stop making those worthless iPads and get crackin' on one of these!

Of course, if you aren't a Chinese bootleg electronics manufacturer, or if you don't have a degree in electrical engineering from MIT, making your own portable homebrew console is... hard. Luckily, Ben has written a fantastic book to walk you through making one of these machines, called Hacking Videogame Consoles. Pick it up at Amazon and crack out that TurboGrafX16 from your closet!

Video Game Tattoos! (A permanent reminder of your wasted youth.)

I love outdated technology - everything about it: how it looks, how it sounds, even how it smells. (Nothing beats the musky aroma of a dusty Apple II's fan blowing right in your face after a long game of Oregon Trail.) But even my love for old video games has its limits, and I definitely draw the line at video game tattoos:

Game Nerd uses Tattoo! It's super-effective!

Perhaps it's my discomfort with tattoos in general, but I'm just too chicken to consider getting an HP meter tattooed across my chest. How would I explain this to my mom? My children? Co-workers? Do you really want to walk around with Sonic the Hedgehog on your thigh for the rest of your life? These tattoos raise too many questions. And unlike the real thing, tattooed pixels will fad into an embarassing jumble of colors after only a decade or two.

Nevertheless, it's fun to pop around the internet and have a look at the nerdiest tattoos you can find:

Game over, indeed.

At least he doesn't have a tattoo of Toad. Yet...

If you happen to have a ridiculous video game tattoo that you're especially proud of, please inform me! I'll make you an internet celebrity!

Halo for Atari 2600?

No, you aren't hallucinating - this really is Halo, the unbelievably successful video game series that debuted on the XBox in 2001 and has since exploded into perhaps the most successful video game franchise of the 21st century so far. But this certainly isn't Halo as you've ever seen it before. While the original Halo series is a complex, high-tech shoot-em-up with a focus on intense naturalism and realism, this version somewhat resembles Lego bricks playing field hockey on a broken computer screen. But that's part of the charm of playing the venerable old Atari 2600.

For those not born during the Kennedy administration, the Atari 2600 is the granddaddy of video game consoles, the machine that started it all. In its heyday, it was the most successful toy ever created, and its parent company, Atari, was the Apple Computer of its time. (Steve Jobs was a lowly employee there early in his career.) Yet, barely fifteen years after their meteoric rise, a changing marketplace and a series of colossal failures led Atari to bite the silicon dust. Today, the name is nothing more than a trademark, floating around the corporate world like a digital ghost.

Nevertheless, the Atari 2600 lives on. Thanks to many enterprising coders with an appreciation for finely aged bits 'n bytes, several dozen new games a year are being programmed by hobbyists. With no big corporate bosses to tell them what to do, these games are more inventive and audacious than Atari could have ever dreamed of. And, since more than 30 million Atari 2600 consoles were sold, playing one is as easy as looking around Craigslist, eBay, or your mom's attic.

The genius of the Atari 2600 is its accessibility. The controller is a single joystick with one button. The graphics make your little brother's Game Boy look like a nuclear supercomputer. But it's this stone-age simplicity that makes the Atari 2600 so beautiful. The technical limitations of this machine meant that programmers can't rely on flashy extras, like blood or cutscenes or voice actors or fancy animation. They've got to focus on gameplay - making the experience of playing quick, engaging, and rewarding. 

Which brings us to Halo 2600. This game is speedier than crack, and even more addictive. This two-dimensional shooter plays very similarly to the arcade classic Bezerk!, but with many notable twists, including several different types of enemies, upgradeable weapons, and shields which can be acquired to protect the player from shots. Although the graphics are simple, they're very effective, and it's incredible the variety and detail the programmer, Ed Fries, has packed into this tiny little 128K cartridge.

Ed Fries is the former vice-president of publishing at Microsoft, and one of the people who first brought the Halo series into existence. He's also a veteran of the late-70s/early-80s video game industry, and a former Atari programmer. In his free time, he decided to bring his programming skills back to life, and wrote a version of his XBox masterpiece for the 30-year-old Atari. The result is a  weird, surreal, and astonishingly fun mixture of past and present - a cross between primitive and cutting-edge.

If you don't have access to an Atari 2600 console, you can still play Halo 2600 online. Ed's been kind enough to create a version in JavaScript: just visit Ed's webpage to play. A warning: if you start playing, you probably won't be doing anything productive for the next hour or so.